Long Distance & How We Made It Work

How did you do it for 2 years?

I get this question often.

Like all the freakin time.

And to be honest, I never know how to answer.

I usually just sigh and sugar coat it.

Long distance isn't easy and from what I've seen it doesn't work often.

So many people informed me of this when I started this relationship. So many people told me I was crazy for dating a man who lived in New Orleans and Christopher's wild reputation did not help matters. SOOOO many people shook their heads and talked behind my back about this decision and I let them. Many of these people were my friends. They didn't want me to end up heartbroken and for that reason alone, I let it go.

Something inside of me just knew they were wrong.

I knew we were different.

And you know what, 2 years later here we are STILL TOGETHER. Still happy. AND finally are no longer LONG DISTANCE.
Can I get a HELL YA!?! Thank Heaven!

So today I'm sharing what key factors I believe helped us make long distance work.

 

 

1. Effort

Long distance relationships are hard work. Anyone who says differently is LYING OUT OF THEIR ASS. Believe that! A LOT of effort goes into making them work. Phone calls aren't at the top of most mens' LOVE list but are a necessity in long distance relationships. This was something we learned quickly and became part of every day life. Driving 8 plus hours every weekend wasn't fun but we both made the sacrifice to see each other as often as possible. We took the time to see what each other truly needed to stay happy and we both tried our best to make these things happen. Consistently TRYING without doubt kept our relationship strong.

2. Communication

Communication is a necessity in any relationship and even more so in a long distance relationship. Lets be real. If you cant see someone you need to communicate with them to maintain your relationship. Think of all the "great friends" you had in college who you no longer talk to. Fact of the matter is, people drift apart if they do not see or talk to one another often. Its just the way life goes. This is also true in relationships. Communication is crucial in making any relationship work and even more critical in making a LD relationship work. Christopher and I text, called and Facetimed every single day we were not together which made us stronger and kept us part of each other's lives. If you're not willing to make the commitment to talk, you might as well give up before you even start.

3. Share Your Lives

Its very easy to live two different lives when you are in a LD relationship. Sounds crazy, but its SO true. Its easy to spend your weekends as a couple but to feel somewhat single/alone during the week. We agreed from the beginning to share our lives with each other EVERY day of the week. We discussed our days and kept each other completely in the loop so we always knew what was going on with one another. We made all big decisions TOGETHER. Christopher relocated to another city around the 1 year mark and I very much felt a part of the decision. I think its very important to share your lives just as you would if you were in a short distance relationship!

 

4. Love

Long distance will test your commitment to one another time and again. Without love, you don't have a prayer in the world. I know it sounds cliche but its the truth. You have to remember WHY you are committed and in the end LOVE will always be your answer. You have to love your significant other through the hard times to really make it work. In the end, I always knew I loved being in a happy relationship with Christopher and seeing him 3 days a week more than I ever loved any of my previous relationships. 3 happy days together was better than 7 so-so days with someone else. Love will get you through. I genuinely think this is what differentiates REAL LOVE from lust. All relationships are fun in the beginning. You're only going to make it long distance if you truly love one another once the new wears off.

 

5. There Must Be an End Date

You absolutely MUST have an end date to keep your relationship together and your sanity for that matter. I don't care what anyone says, THIS IS TRUE. If you don't have a date you're working toward, you will eventually GIVE UP. You will find yourself asking what the hell you're doing this for when the hard times are present! Having an end date keeps everything in perspective and gives you something to look forward to. In the end all you want is to end up with one another. If this isn't the case, you should probably bail now! Setting a date gives you hope for a future together. I told myself every single day, "2 years is NOTHING if I can spend the next 60 with him."

6. Trust

You know the spill on this one. If trust is an issue, you should hit the road running. I find this to be true in ANY relationship! 
 

Last, learn to let things roll off your back. There are going to be days when you don't want to be on the phone or you're too busy or tired to have an hour conversation. Be okay with it and go to bed happy. Cherish the time you do have together. Don't waste it worrying about having to say goodbye. Kiss often and hug a LOT. Leave sweet notes for him to find in his duffel bag. Mail cards and sweet surprises to help get you through the week. Obviously these relationships take a LOT of nurturing and patience but in the end it will be worth it. In the end, you will cherish them more because you will remember everything you went through to make them work!

 

 

And NEVER listen to anyone tell you "it'll never work" because it CAN work.
You just have to make it work!